you can call me ALI cause i am ready to box....

today has been an interesting day. today i came to a realization that i may not be as bad as i thought i was. as i am on this vacation and visiting family i have come to see all of them in a new light, not that its a bad light in any way just a new one. there are so many things that have changed in the last year since we have been gone with so many people including myself and my husband. it is nice that we are not in the same place we were in and i am so thankful and so ready to begin my new journey in discovering myself. i honestly feel like i am in a line at Disney land and have been in this line for years and i am finally almost to the end finally almost my turn to ride. and i am so excited to see what this new adventure is going to bring. what i am going to discover of myself. and the woman i am sure to become. i feel like i have discovered a new found love for myself after being able to come to California and get o0ut of my environment for a while. don't get me wrong am i still in fear 24-7 yes, is my disease still in the front forum of my life and pretty much running it yes but at least now i know i am strapping my boxing gloves on and i am ready for the fight. i am not giving up on my life or my child and i am so heartbroken that today i saw a family member that is and i feel so helpless for her daughter and so sad and i don't know if it is my mama instinct kicking in or what but i seriously want to just pick her up and run and run far away and just love her and hold her and have her she is such a good kid and all her mother sees is the negativeness of her own life and can't see the blessing she has in the beauty of her daughter i just pray that she will find it before it is too late and she doesn't have her anymore. what i really pray for is the safety and well being of this little girl. and of course it is my instinct to save people and that is all i can think about now is this little girl.......but i am just not well enough in my own for that fight yet and it breaks my heart......all i can do now though is fight for myself at this point...