Thursday, September 8, 2011
...........
i have recently learned some more about my physical health, i have Polycystic ovarian syndrome. also i have severely high cholesterol and due to the PCOS i can not have any other children naturally only with the help of fertility drugs. and the sad thing about this is i feel numb i know deep down that i should be sad or angry at my body or something but i have shut myself down so much that i feel numb. i want another baby so much and i should be devastated instead i put on my "fake" face and just go about my daily life as a robot and i can't wait to see my therapist cause i know that she will help me get down deep and light that fire again but i just feel stuck. very very stuck. the doctor says i need to lose weight and i really do know that but i feel almost like being pulled in millions of directions like yes i know what i have to do but i don't even know where to start nor do i have the money i need to go to the gym and healthy food is really expensive.. so what do i do? just ignore it or go broke trying? i feel extremely stuck like i can't win for losing i mean i know i have to stay healthy for the child i have and the future ones if any i just feel like i have so much info in my head and no help trying to process it and i feel like i am drowning. these new found health scares are just that scary i feel lost and very very afraid i can't think straight i need to come up with a plan of action except that i don't know where to begin and don't really feel like i have anyone i can talk to that may be able to steer me in the proper direction i just feel very very overwhelmed and very numb like it hasn't really hit i dunno overwhelmed is definatly a great way to describe it. not only that but when i do feel sad i feel guilty cause at least i have my beautiful wonderful son some people can't even have one child.. and then i also feel why me? what did i do am i a bad mom that god wouldn't want me to have any more? especially losing the last one and now not having anymore it deeply saddens me and makes me feel worse about myself. i dunno i feel extremely alone like i don't have anyone to talk to......
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Amber you arent a bad mom! I just want you to know as someone who has PCOS. That it can be done. I had to go to a fertility dr but because I was overweight (over 40 BMI) They wouldnt see me through the military. I highly suggest that you go to your dr and ask to be put on Metformin, It will help you lose weight. I literally gave up and just started working out, and that wont cost you money if you go for runs or walk and practice portion control, All it took was for me to lose 10 lbs and it 'jump started' my whole system. And thats how Clint came along. Apparently you are fertile myrtle after having a baby while having PCOS cause now Im on baby 2! Give me a call or shoot me an email any time I would be more then willing to explain the metformin thing to you. It will really help.
ReplyDeleteYou are not ALONE....I know things seem impossile right now ut they ARE NOT. You are a wonderful mother and should e very proud of that. You have a wonderful supportive husband who loves you to the moon and back and you have alot of family here to support you. You are a strong woman and you can do anything you put your mind to...and I believe that with all my heart. I honestly believe that we are only handed what we can handle. I know you want another baby so bad and losing the last one was devistating for you but let this e the motivater you need to get yourself on the right track. Start working out and get yourself healthy so you can tyr to add to your family....if it was meant to be it will happen and if it doesnt....well...it doesnt mean you failed as a wife, a mother or as a woman it just means that god has already given you the best in life....and that is something to be proud of......Love you....I know im kinda busy sometimes but you can always call me :)
ReplyDelete