as i lay here tonight wondering why it is i can not fall asleep for another night my mind begins to wander and reflect upon my days activities, and has made me come to the realization that i may just take everything for granted.i go through my mind and realize due to my mental disruptions i may have a warped view on my days but here goes anyways... i awoke at 9am after a very long night of no sleep due to my poor sick son up all night with a stomach bug :( (by the way i am not complaining because i would stay up forever with my son if that is what it took just part of the story is all) determined to not lay around and actually get done the things i needed to get done today. i made breakfast, then got started on the house chores! i finished with everything i had to do around 1:45ish. then instead of playing with my son or reading him a book i just sat on the couch and watched tv.. looking back now my heart hurts because i know that it is time i can never get back and i feel as if i am being a bad mother. and no i am not saying this to get any type of "oh no your a great mom" or anything of that nature i just am writing my feelings down. i feel as if i take my time with my son for granted, but don't realize it until after the fact!! i need to figure out a way to get out of this slump i need more energy, i need to get out of my head and into the frame of mind of the mommy i feel i used to be. i am hoping that this therapy will help but i also hope that i am not expecting too much from this.. i believe in a way that maybe i am too screwed up too fix...does that mean i will never be the person i want for my son? is it too late? i just want him to have the memories with me that i don't have with my mother..hell any of my parents....i just want to be a better me...
I understand what your saying, and can totaly relate, I feel that I do the very same thing with my boys and I feel guilty, like im not trying hard enough to be better for them, my point is I think all of us mothers go thru the same thing at one point or another! I hate that feeling that I just sat around and didnt do somthing interactive with the boys, but all you hope for is that you wake up tomorrow and get a fresh start and a new chance to try to make the changes you have reflected on at the end of you day! And you are def not unfixable, because your not broken! You just need some guidance, and you are very strong to be able admit that to yourself and get on the right track!
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